I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
