just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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