I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
