I smell stomach acid.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
