I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
