I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
