There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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