I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
