well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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