Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
