the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just cropdusted the office
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
