I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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