drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
