Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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