I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
