My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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