No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
did i just pee glitter
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
