Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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