I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
