Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
