On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
