the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
