Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
