I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
