what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize