Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
