He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
