My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
whose parrot is this?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
