Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
