Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
