and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
