booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
