I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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