I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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