I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
