How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
