I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
