Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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