I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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