I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
