Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
