i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
