Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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