so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
