oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
