Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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