In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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