I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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