I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
