I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize