No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
