I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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