I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
