As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
