I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
