we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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