I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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