True but thats because hes a fetus.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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