So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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