I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
