I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
