I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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