I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
