he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
