the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
