He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
