Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
