she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
