Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
