that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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