why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
