i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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