this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
