she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
