She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
