somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
