Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
