I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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