nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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