im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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