Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
