OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
