I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
