O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
