i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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