i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
