I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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