He disabled his match.com account in front of me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
