U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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