Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
