i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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