dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize