theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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