your parents love me but you hate me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
