how can u be prego again
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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