I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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