he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize