YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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