Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
