need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
